Millions of people all over the world are looking forward to the most festive time of the year. Remarried couples with children, on the other hand, hold their breath, hoping that this year the holidays will pass with minimal turbulence.
Unresolved grief, hostile exes, and your children’s fantasies collaborate to make this one of the most difficult times of the year for you, and here’s how.
You’re remarried, and you want to believe. You want to believe that you’ve found the love of your life. You want to believe you’ve found a fresh start as a lover and parent. You want to believe your remarriage is untouchable. There’s one small crack in your faith’s armor: your ex-wife.
You’re free from your old, poisonous relationship. You’ve found someone new who you love. Remarriage is shaping up to be the best time of your life.
That is, unless your children have something to say about it.
They were happy with their first pair of parents. What do they have to look forward to in your remarriage? Less of your attention, a new adult to boss them around, and a walking reminder of the loss they experienced over your first divorce? Sounds bleak.
Even if they like your new spouse and his or her family, they saw the first marriage fall apart. The threat of being separated from more loved ones, by a second divorce, ominously looms over them. Acting defensively, your children may try to end your new marriage before that bond can form.
And so, the sovereign nation of Yourkidslavia declares war on Newmarriagestan.
Here’s their battle plan...
Joining a family is a tricky thing. You worry that you’ll be forever stuck on the outside, looking in. So, you want to please your husband and his children as best possible. This way you can solidify your role in the family, and bring stability into your life. If you’re particularly ambitious, you may even be out to heal your new family’s past wounds inflicted by the divorce or ex-wife.
You’re compelled to win everyone over. You won’t settle for “Step-Mom.” “No, call me ‘Super-Mom!’”
There are just a few teensy things in the way.
It's unnerving watching your children spend more time with a competing mother figure than you. You feel inadequate, your judgement clouds, and you make knee-jerk reactions in protection of your cubs. You catch yourself making unkind remarks about your children's stepmother and demanding your children's unwavering loyalty.
What could go wrong? You're just making life hard for her, right? Wrong.
