I wonder if you remember when you met your significant other—your feelings, hopes, and wishes as your relationship evolved. You made arrangements for the children, setting aside adult time together. Then, you got married. The adult time turned into a fantasy and a remote memory.
A strong couple creates a strong and stable family. It is a win-win situation for all involved. Here are some tips to help restore the spark and improve the intimacy between the two of you:
- Schedule a weekly date night. Your life is very busy. You are more likely to keep the date if you schedule it. Plan your date. You may take turns in planning. Approach it with excitement (not like a chore). Focus on your relationship during your date as two adults. Do not discuss children, after all that is what you do most of the time.
- Talk daily for 15-45 minutes. Make sure that you have each other’s undivided attention. That means phones and television are off and the children are either in bed or engaged in an activity that will allow you to communicate uninterrupted. Use this time to voice feelings, opinions, and thoughts about your day at work, with the children, and whatever else needs to be addressed. This practice will increase emotional intimacy, reduce resentments, and clarify misunderstandings before they grow out of proportion.
- Be open to evaluate if your ’emotional divorce’ is complete. Lingering feelings about the previous relationship, even anger towards your ex or guilt toward the children for changing the family, may be in the way of emotional intimacy in the present marriage and can damage all of you.